dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
