I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
