boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
