ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
