everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
