I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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