Do you still have your period?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
