I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
