We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
