And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
