when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
