Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
