I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my being single is dangerous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
