Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
