that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
