6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
