God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
