the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
