I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
