i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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