Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
