Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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