you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
