Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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