Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
