1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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