Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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