Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
