They should really pass out barf bags in church
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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