just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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