On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
