Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
