No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
