I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
