drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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