somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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