Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
