Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
