GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
