i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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