so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
