you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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