you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
