The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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