Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
