i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have already put on my inside pants.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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