i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
