i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
