In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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