just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
