Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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