A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
