So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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