My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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