I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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