I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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