You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
